Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
