i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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