Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Randomize
