"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
