Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
