he puts the penis in happiness.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
