Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize