hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
