He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
