Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
