I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
