I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Randomize