I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
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