I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
