Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
