I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
