I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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