Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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