he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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