There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
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