This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
