Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize