And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
