stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
