Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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