I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
