i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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