I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
