I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
