Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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