my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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