I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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