He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
now i know why i became what i already was.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Randomize
