john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
