Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
