Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
