I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
