pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
