I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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