As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
