just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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