We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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