Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
