were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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