if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize