So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
