I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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