a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
