I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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