I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
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