The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I need a beard to bite.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
