im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
