You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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