Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
