I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
