This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
