Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize