so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
