Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
