My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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