I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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