OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
