Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
