Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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