smell my finger.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
She bit a glass in half.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize