i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
