Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
