rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize