You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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