your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
