I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
