i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
