She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
pop tarts are not kleenex
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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