my phone needs a breathalizer
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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