he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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