i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
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